My status

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Perfect timing.

The harmonic clicks emanating from the antique pocket watch movement placed precariously on the edge of the dark, rustic farm table nearby, distract me, albeit temporarily from the weight of these recent moments. As the metallic symphony of the watch continues in the background, my mind wanders back to better days in this... smiles, laughter, even tears were altruistic reminders of the reality of this walk, the emotions that encapsulated each step, each word was echoed with meaning, with unselfish purpose.

Struggling with the burdens of emotions so deep that I cannot bear to contemplate their net quantification, nor the steps required to ease their transport, I am saddened. Looking down, I cannot help but to envision a pile of dock lines before me, each one saturated in their own layer of guilt, sadness and grief....twisted and tangled so tightly, that hopefulness for their rectification is all but lost...

I was never good with balancing my private world with the reality of domestic affairs. Once the rigors of normalcy settles in, I fear the ambivalence that is certainly forthcoming from the decisions yet to define my next steps herein. I want so much to believe in the magic of these moments, for the faith yet to be fulfilled, the promise that for once, I will be loved by a hand that touches me.

The drama of each passing day unfolds almost with divine consistency. Perhaps when you are in the storm, you don't realize that while each day may be cloudy, lamenting over the presence of those moments is a bit repetitive unless you change your course and plot out a new destination. I choose to be here in the storm with you, holding your hand. Knowing that even without assurances and within the confines of its recklessness and angst, I am steadfast in my love for you.

For now, I am hoping this will be enough. Enough to guide you through the darkness. Enough to strengthen my resolve to remain here regardless of the duration...Enough to complete this journey and find some sentiments of serenity in this life.

I peer back once again to the silver-cased watch lying before I reach for it, I notice it is still ticking strongly.....and keeping perfect time....

For now...