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Sunday, February 22, 2009

Another day...filled with priceless words.

A girlfriend of mine, Maggie, once told me that we were dangerous for each other as we both got caught up in the words, the emotional phrases, the poetic movement, and the romance that eloquent words can sometimes make you believe in. We were both captivated how something so beautiful could truly exist, even we both have suffered so much pain throughout our individual lives. It was a beautiful moment in my life, that while transient, still makes me believe in the magic of life..and in words.

This past Friday, February 20th was another day for me and the rest of the world.
For me, it marked my 35th birthday. I look back briefly to see how far I have come and where my life is headed. I have never been one to be scared of looking back, or talking about my travels and experiences, as that is how you mark your journey, how you remember who you is a cathartic and peaceful walk for me.

I blame myself for losing myself in words...they are to me the expression of your spirit, your soul in written form. Sometimes they are real, truthful, sometimes they are your idealistic ambitions, what you hope to be, who you wish you were...what separates reality from fantasy? The accuracy of your thoughts or the truthfulness of your intentions? If we don't intend or plan to become better, something more than we are today...isn't that the greater evil?

I choose another year of living life --- learning more about myself, learning to care more about others in need, learning to find small ways to make those ambitious words come true. Perhaps I was not the man I could have been back then, but I would have to definitely admit that I have grown, I have matured and I have certainly learned from those words. I know that life is more than just earning money and buying possessions and what truly matters, what truly endures are ironically, only things that can never be purchased, only earned.

Earned through the unyielding dedication to simply be yourself and chose your words carefully. What you say, who you are, how much you is all indicative of the words you use every day. The words that define your walk and your relationships with others. Be yourself and learn to live those words. :)

Some of my favorite words:

When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is suffiecient unto love.
When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at the dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Friday, February 13, 2009


Just took a trip to Prattville, AL yesterday. We have a major data center and operations facility relocation project scheduled for June 1st, 2009. Essentially we are retrofitting a 150 year old building into something that will work as a top tier
facility. Not an easy task. Lots of work remain left to be completed...lots of projects on my board, lots of irons in the fire...I need to keep them all hot.

That will be challenging.

It was a cool, refreshing morning as the sun rose quietly over the 2nd hole fairway behind my hotel. Situated perfectly, nestled on the Capitol Hill Golf Course, the hotel was a sight to behold even for a non-traditional country club type. I admire the beauty, the raw creativity & even the elitist showmanship that a "golf course community" exhibits so calmly, a form of understated entitlement. I know it would never be a lifestyle that I chose, but to each their own. Let it be. :)

I am tripping out a tad bit on the workload and number of projects right now, but I know that I must keep it all calm & under control. There are a lot of people depending on my ability to stay focused, remain diligent & manage everything without failure.
It is significantly more taxing than I ever let show and maybe that is not a good thing, but at the end of the day...I must get the job done. No worries, no whining and certainly without failure.

Better Days...Better Days are coming. I am learning to appreciate life, appreciate the joys of feeling each emotion, and knowing that as I highly as I might personally regard myself when it comes to work, they could replace me within a week and the show would most certainly go on. You cannot dwell on that cold, hard fact of life, but we must all strive to deliver while we are on the field, because each play, each day we are being judged, we are being critiqued, no matter who we are. At the end of it all,
to know that you gave all you had, that is all you could ever ask for...all you could ever want. Off to the grind, make a difference while you are still out there, Andy.

Achievement is not always defined by victory. Sometimes achievement lies in the honest endeavor to do your best under all circumstances, knowing that on any given day, intense personal effort may be the only thing keeps you moving forward.


Friday, February 6, 2009

Weather changes, so does my mood....

The weather changed for the better today. (No, this blog isn't going down the path of talking about the weather, at least on a routine basis!) The warmth felt nice and refreshing. Even as the layer of icy frost covered the cold black trash container at the end of the driveway this morning, I knew that it wouldn't last for long. The walk this morning with Sonoma was brisk and very cold, but change was still in the air.
The temperature at 6:35AM was 34F and by noon, it was already 62F. Amazing.

This afternoon is was 68F, exactly double the temperature of this morning.
Amazingly beautiful day. Went for a jaunt with the collie at Fontainebleau State Park
and walked among the wooden giants, the mighty 300+ year old live oaks in the soothing warm, sunny afternoon. We walked down a few trails and up to the coastline of the lake. Simply a day worth its true value only if spent outside. I took half of the day off from the grind at work and reconnected myself to one last indivisible purity that life still beholds --- nature.

Over the years, I have discovered that nearly every emotion, every event and every outcome can be mirrored in nature. Growth, decay, rebirth, disease, sudden death, new life, blooming, fading, old, new, struggle, folly, strength, fortitude --- everything can be seen in nature --- the one truth, nothing is constant but change.

Always changing, always allowing change to occur. No agendas, no caution, no plans.
Life simply happens and the beauty of it all --- the good and the bad unfold without
incident, without influence...right before our eyes, everyday.

Are we ready for the changes that life has in-store for us? Are we afraid to grow, to change??? Why do we hold fast to our image of today, our own leaves? Why are we afraid to see the simple magic of life?

Not sure ---

Tonight my mood has turned somber...joyless.

I don't feel connected to anything presently --- just getting the work done, getting
everything in order, keeping the projects moving forward...being the good soldier.
Sometimes that is all I have to give this life, sometimes I fear that will be the extent of my existence. Sometimes I just feel proud to be a good father, sometimes I wonder where I am headed and how much time I really have left.

I push onward --- knowing....believing that tomorrow as my daughter turns 13, I will
feel accomplished & proud. I will rejoice in the amazingly powerful influence that she has had upon my life and how much she means to me. She is truly an amazing child, an amazing gift.

Smile...the sun will be rising soon, Mr. Oak.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Embrace --- Dream becomes a blog.

Woke up with the phrase "EMBRACE" in my mind. I casually pieced together some thoughts when I was waking up, but nothing made a lot of sense, and I went back to sleep. As I slipped back into my dream, the phrase came back to me again. I was told by a mysterious person in my dream, to embrace. Embrace everything around you. Embrace who you are and who are not just as equally. Don't live another life, live your own. Embrace the differences, the joys, the sorrows, the pain and the true beauty of life. Embrace everything.


249.010   EMBRACE THE MOMENT. :)