Sunday Snapshots

 

We all drove to Fort Pike today, an old confederate fortification on the banks of Lake Ponchatrain build in the early 1820s. It is an open and slightly eerie place --- cold & damp brick hallways full of history & nearly two centuries of decay. My kids enjoyed running around the upper ramparts and relishing in the mild afternoon sunshine. I tried to imagine the sleepless nights spent waiting, wondering & fearing a potential sea invasion. I imagined the citadel in its prime and how it must have felt to live & die within these brick walls.

Tracing my past

Left early this morning with a torrent of rain above me. As I pulled out of the Drury Inn in Meridian, MS --- I could barely see the road, and I quietly determined that this day of exploring my past was going to quickly become a wasted effort.  In this undetermined stillness, I pushed onward recalling from memory, the backroads and pathways to find my ancestor's graveyard site.

I drove up to Eutaw, AL and then Northwest to Aliceville, then Reform, then finally Millport and Kennedy. I turned up a poor rustic neighborhood to find the old city cemetery simply painted along the side of a simple country road. No elaborate fencing, brick pillars, nor gates encompassed this place, just a mixture of old and new headstones.

I parked in the church parking lot across the street and headed instinctively for the back of the cemetery, towards the old graves...those who had some roots down by this time, truly had a story to tell. I marched around in the remnants of some very light rain, trying to locate my family. Then, I found them. I cannot explain the feeling of finding links to the past, tangible markers that help you feel more connected to who you are as a person in this life.

As I located my great-great-great grandfather's monument, a mild sense of pride and peace raced through my veins.  This man, who would never know me nor my existence in this world, set the course for my ability to kneel above his final remains...my very ability to breathe & to live was set into motion before his death some 110 years ago.

Our lives do carry us forward and the choices we make certainly affect the future. I could not help from feeling connected & part of a larger, more extended family even by simply touching their engraved stone markers bearing my father's surname. I allowed myself to drift back, to try to feel their presence, to believe that in some small way, they were glad that I was there.

What will my grave say about my life and about those who will visit in the future?

My great-great-great grandfather William H. Smothers

Change --- We could all use a little....

Earlier this year right after my birthday, (2/20) --- I decided that I needed to make another change in my life. Not any convicting medical discoveries, nor painful realizations helped spark this new path, just something within my spirit that urged me to modify my habits.

Each morning I sit for about 15 minutes in silence and just meditate --- try to clear my head, let go of all of the voices, the responsibility, the burdens of being an adult in general, and just breathe. It helps ground my spirit for the day, and I have noticed that I am calmer, and generally much more patient & less reactive to the world around me. I am actually more aware, focused & instead of being a coiled up stress spring ready to pounce, I am just more reflective & contemplate my responses a little more intelligently.

Alas, that is not the only change I am referring to!

I changed my eating habits. Flax Seed, Omega3s, vegetables & non-processed foods all
became options that I choose to savor now instead of any processed, refined or artificial foods. I decided to close the door on all meats & get my protein from either yogurt or fresh seafood. Now, this is not a radical shift for me as I felt that most of the time I did eat "healthy" --- but I just wanted to eliminate the impurities from my life...stripping down the layers of disease and empty calories which did not provide anything but fat & slow eventual bodily decay.

Taking an honest look at your own life, understanding how food can influence your day-to-day processes, your emotional and physical well-being --- it finally clicked and made so much more sense. I never really understood all of the hoopla about this
fad, this diet, this new age food book, and I still don't subscribe to those "bestselling buy-me, I will change your life" books.

If you ever truly change anything, trust me...a book won't be the reason why.
Change has to flow from a deeper part of your soul, a deeper, richer more spiritual
side of your life. It cannot simply be about the threats of living with the weight, the lung disease, the diabetes...it has to be because you choose a different path. That you choose to live better, not just live.

You seriously take the time to listen to your body, find out what it takes to be one
with life and decide to be truly happy. Not letting your vices fool you into happiness, but strip away the layers & simply get back to basics. Today, I eat 1/3 of what I used to eat 10 years ago, probably just 5 years ago.

I eat to live, I eat to nourish my blood, feed my organs, to heal my body, to enrich my mind...not to replace something emotional that is lacking in my life, not out of habit, not out of desperation nor stress.

I can feel the wheels of this change starting to have a positive impact on my life, but it takes time to cleanse your body out of the routine of all of the unnecessary chemicals, colors/dyes, preservatives, fillers & false promises.

For now, I am content and at peace with my path & my life. I was always seeking something so much larger outside of myself to "show me the path", "send me a sign" and it really just took, looking inward to my own soul and listening instead of watching, believing instead of speaking...doing it for myself instead of waiting for someone else to guide me.

Find something today that you can do to inspire a change in your own life.

When you're finished changing, you're finished - Ben Franklin

Crossroads

In the midst of the cold morning air, I look down. I see the cracked faded gray concrete. I notice the stillness of the bare, winter trees. I breathe in the unmistakable almost sacred aroma of change. A gentle undertone...but it is there.
It is akin to how some train to break wood with their hands, how select few can decipher homogeneous fine wine and pick out individual flavors, how others observe ghosts, & how some people are truly fortunate enough to see how simple, yet how magical each moment of life can be. If they only choose to "see"

It is about filtering. To remove the artificial blinders, the ads, the media, the TV, the Internet, the distractions that encompassed we all call "life" --- it is getting back to the path. The reason behind it all, the very purpose for living itself. To seek out something more worthy of our time.

I find myself at crossroad in my life. Shedding the past, shedding those in my life that are simply not genuine, not meaningful, not part of who I am. It is not a slight to these people, nor personal. It is what it is. life is more than loving your loved ones, it is truly experiencing life. It is not someone forcing you to appreciate and respect those who are fundamentally disrespectful & selfish. Your actions define who you are, and blood or no blood, I stopped caring to keep our false relationships alive. I wish them no harm, only blessings. I don't want them to change who they are, just stop pretending to the world about what they have become.

Change is certain...Through action, change is focused. Through focus, change is guided. Through this guiding, change is meaningful.

I am unsure what this means for my life in 2010, but I know it will be monumental.
Crossroads. Where will my path lead me?

Post # 100 --- Time for a Change

 

Ahhh, the timepiece has escaped! What would we do if we had no sense of future time? Just here, today and the immediate present?

I guess I assumed that back in 2006, it wouldn't have taken me nearly 4 years to reach entry #100 on my blog. With such limited fanfare and no major book signings in the works, I guess some might call this a failure. :)
Alas, I am proud of this personal reflection page. It offers me a chance to gaze back upon some of my more captivating moments over the last few years and try to collect a little balance and wisdom. If nothing else, hey at least I took the time to collect & write about my thoughts 100 times!!! :D

In all seriousness, I am consistently torn with the way that my life is unfolding. At times, I feel united with the path & the calming sense of true spiritually that it brings. At other moments, I feel alone & afraid of what lies ahead, not knowing if I had done enough with my life to justify calling it worthy. Have I truly lived, or will I just die, William Wallace?

All I know is that life keeps moving you forward, like a never-ending, always methodical conveyor belt, it slowly pushes us all along. Where we choose to look, pause briefly, or simply shift paths is entirely up to us. I am not sure why I have been enamored with timepieces and their restoration lately. I think it brings me back to a historical era where time was simply valued and nothing came easy nor without dedicated & focused hard work.




Perhaps, by allowing the blessings of the past & their lessons guide me, I can learn more about myself. I will continue to post, to share my random, illogical & simply personal expressions, if nothing else...to help me sort through the drama of the day, the pursuits of folly & to enrich my soul.

Thanks for being a part of this strange journey.
Cheers,
Andy

The Value of Time

Elgin 1872 - Nikon D2Xs - 50mm f/1.2 

As we gathered around the tree and delegated our Christmas gifts this year, there was one gift of mine that stood out.
Another hobby of mine has been the study of horology or watchmaking. It is a seemingly simple yet surprising delicate art that echos us back to more historical times when the value of time was appreciated. This year as a gift I received and repaired a 1872 Elgin pocketwatch. Pocket watches are my favorite since they are much larger and easier to work on than a standard wristwatch and offer a more enhanced dramatic flair, at least in my apprentice opinion!

There is something warm, moving and actually palpable about a pocketwatch that moves me...that tick, tick, tick, metallic in sound, but perfect in beat, mirroring a delicate heartbeat of history. Every wind brings me back to wonders of the events that might have been portrayed in the 1870s as this watch was carried and appreciated by souls unknown.

Alas, the gift opening continues until the unremarkable and finally realization that all of the gifts have been opened. No more surprises this year, a silent tally in your head of your presents, a last covert scan around the tree, a gentle glance to read the last tag for the lonely gift for a guest not present, shucks! yes, it is truly the end.

All of the childish grumbling ends and you realize quickly, The gifts are gone!

All in good fun, we tread forward as adults, as parents to get the responsible trash bag together, gather up the discarded and torn wrapping paper, bows & holiday-colored ribbon. We stuff in all inside, stack up all of the gifts in neat sorted piles and then move onward towards the rest of our Christmas day.

I hope to learn more about keeping time with my life this year. Making time for others, giving time to those in need and appreciating all of the time that I might have left.

It is your time --- so make it count.
Happy Holidays,
Andy

Christmas Night!

 

Oh glorious night. Lets us all give thanks. Behold Jesus is born this day.