Merry Christmas

 

Amazingly another year has passed. Last year, Christmas was spent in a rustic cabin in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.
This year, my kids are down to visit and the days for childhood wonder is fading, albeit slowly enough not to be sorrowful, at least not today. I cannot believe that time continues to march forward without any real concern nor
appreciation for itself, it simply is. Time cannot be influenced by mankind, it simply gives us a beginning and an end. What we make of it, lies somewhere in between I would imagine. ;)

I certainly have not achieved all of my idealistical goals for 2009, but sometimes just surviving another year and holding fast to the blessings of each day is enough. I do feel marginially wiser and stronger.

I learned a lot about Andy in 2009. I learned a lot about what makes me tick and honestly I feel better than I have in years. My desire, my need to continue to appreciate the beautiful experiences that life has to teach each day has certainly enchanted my soul in a new light for 2010.

I wish you all a blessed Christmas and 2010.

New Orleans Saints 12-0!!!!! WOW!

 

It is officially an amazing season. The greatest comeback game ever for the Saints! 33-30 in OT! 12 N.O. --- HO HO HO!

Link to the 12&0 loyal commercial video!!!

My favorite passage....

If you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.

Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.

This has been my favorite passage for nearly my entire life.
I believe it simply encompasses some of the more trying aspects of my own maturity.
To be consistently judged, compared, ridiculed & scared into a false identity of who you are, definitely changes someone. To have to weigh & value your own self-worth on the illogical if not psychopathic whims of a parent is quite painful.

To continually have the fortitude to search out the truth about your own shrouded spiritual identity, your own life journey is certainly refreshing, if not painfully exhausting at times. I found myself losing sight of the importance of this many times in the past. I found myself choosing not to believe in the magic of the moment, the belief that my life had abandoned its certain course & the stark realization that I was truly alone...going through the robotic motions, completing the steps of the expected ritual dance.

Many times in my life I have faced these same crossroads, sometimes prepared to dance with the devil & sometimes just afraid to look ahead, wishing somehow that this painful trip into analyzing my very soul would be my last. If you don't have a gift you cannot miss it, if you don't know how strong your body, spirit & passion can be, you don't judge yourself for not being yourself. If you don't take the time to look deeply into life & relish in the spiritual gifts of each moment & savor the magic then you don't remember how peaceful that feels.

By feeling & knowing all of this, you are held spiritually to a higher standard, at least onto yourself. You can no longer look down at that dusty fiddle and convince yourself that you never could play, that you were never in a better place.

To be content in the present, to see all things for what they are & to embrace the fabric of your own soul...to live each day, not perfectly nor idealistically, but with an open mind & open soul, ready to receive your own spiritual daily bread, is a great step forward. It is a gift back to yourself, the new set of footprints on your path...a chance to finally chose to live in the magic of each moment, the peace of the present.

There is nothing lacking...

DTIDTAI??

Don't Think I Don't Think About It.

Heard this song by Darius Rucker, whom I have always admired as a true artist and real person since his Hootie days. Darius Rucker's First Opry Visit

It is so very strange how this is so true, not just with relationships, but with decisions about your life, your career, your path. Choices we make help shape the path we live & you can never tell how one small decision may lead your life in an entirely new direction. As I have said before, looking back is hard not to do but something that I consider completely healthy as it allows you to survey your life, review your path. Looking back down the hill from where you have walked, struggled and nearly lost your way....only to continue to climb, continue to soar.

Regrets? They don't help anyone...defined as "an intelligent or emotional dislike for personal past acts and behaviors"

Life moves us onward......let it go, smile & love all things.

Soaring.....

As I drove home from the airport yesterday morning....I saw 5 brown pelicans soaring just inches above the crystal calm expansive lake in the midst of a glorious sunrise. Two sets flew in pair tandem, coupled together in serene peace & almost mystical rhythm flying on what appeared to be upon an invisible plane of glass on the actual surface of the water. Flapping their wings only briefly, then gliding beautifully for nearly 10 seconds across the surface without brushing the water.

Next I observed a lonely pelican flying, flapping his wings with the same intention, the same purpose, but just in solitude. It made me reflect upon the meaning of this and why this bird was flying alone. I was reminded of the times that I have been alone and the sadness, yet solemn peace that those events had brought to my life. It was through the lonely times that I learned more about my own path, my own flight through life....just inches above desperation at times, just moments without shadows, without light.

It made me lose focus on the schedule of the day, and just appreciate my blessings, my path & my life. It made me realize the significance of the simple joys of living and appreciating each moment. Nature has so much to teach us and to guide us if only we are open to the message.

Keep to the simple, live in the moment. Love all things.

Keep Soaring.

Fresh Cranberry Sauce

Nothing like it...simple, pure & tasty. My feeling is this --- if people want cranberry sauce, you owe it to yourself to deliver something else besides a jiggly can molded bit of cranberry to the table. There are lots of recipes, so I won't bore you with the details...just good honey, good OJ & cranberry juice and then cooked down the fresh cranberries. Let cool slightly then place in a ring or decorative mold.


Enjoy the clean, mature taste of fresh cranberry sauce....minus the canned jelly rings. :)

 

Time with my Son

As I quietly laid beside my son and held him as he drifted to sleep, my mind was anything but rested. Thoughts of overwhelming guilt coupled with an unsettling, but genuine happiness were emerging simultaneously. How could this be? As I contemplated the moments that I have missed with my son, the days & nights that I am not able to be by his side, I took a quiet solace in this calm present. As if on cue with my thoughts, my son, who I figured had been asleep, reached over and started gently stroking & outlining my face with his little fingers as if to regain a lost shape of a memory of a dad that he occasionally loses sight for far too long.

The moment was amazingly refreshing & still painfully sad at the same time. However, to appreciate the event, I decided to place my feelings of guilt & sorrow on hold & just be still in the moment. Without remorse, without fear, requiring no absolution, requiring no further elaborate explanations, it was a blessing of just simply loving & holding your child. And for that moment, like most found while living completely in the present, it was everything.

How can I be continually blessed & loved in spite of the choices that I have made, the distance that I have allowed to be placed between us, the feelings of guilt that I carry hidden with me throughout my days?

I have no answers for the unconditional love of a child. It is a blessed gift that I appreciate with every bit of my soul. I possess a sincere hope that one day I will be able to truly be the father that I want to be, present not only in dark shadows & fleeting glimpses, but as a cornerstone to their lives, a true rock of balance & strength that they can lean & stand upon as they continue to mature.

I continue to appreciate the simple gifts of life and hold fast to my beliefs that I will continue to live in the present, the only moments that truly matter, the only moments worth living.

Smiles,
Andy