Anticipation

In 22 and 1/2 hours, I will lay eyes upon my child. After thousands of hours of separation and moments of fear, depression and sadness, I carefully anticipate the event. The emotions of being near my best friend, her energy, her presence, her influence in these moments... will be overwhelming but it is a gate that I must pass through...

For the certain and unmistakable joy that will most likely bring me to my knees in humility and unleash the weight of the days I sat alone missing so much --- in silence, alone with God.... alone in prayer... alone in renewal.... alone in change...

I cannot shake the feelings that have defined the outlines of my heart, my life and my purpose in this lifetime.... even though I sit idle like an once appreciated item left alone in a dusty, shackled barn, I know in my heart, I still have life inside...

I cannot yet paint the canvas... as I cannot yet feel the moment.
I cannot yet express my feelings... as I cannot yet allow myself to breathe...

For so many days, I truly thought I would never see my daughter again...
Like an apparition, I was merely spoken about in lost parables or phases of brevity, of mourning, of loss, of times once lived.....

God, give me the strength, the confidence, the faith and purpose to be your intention in these moments. Allow others to see my changed heart, my changed purpose... Allow them to see you in me.

As I slowly gather my things to take the journey, I pray in silence a prayer for peace and love....
and believing that all things are possible through Christ...

Father, I am humbled and grateful for everything, every moment, every blessing....
every breath.

I pick up the brush, the canvas is set...
Let God create this masterpiece.
Amen...