Complicated...but content...

To state the emotions that I have traversed in my mind this weekend would become labeled as complicated would be an understatement. Stretching from the edges of my emotional sanity, I have succeeded in losing even greater lucidity than I ever thought possible. I felt so much simple reality here...then I saw nothing again --- it had been unmistakably stained...like a blood-stained napkin that I tried to hide beneath my clothes, while all the while I could feel its sin, its effect.

I make no excuses for this temporary feeling of change, it was going to change no matter how long we both waited, nor matter how perfect the moment, it was going to change in the end...is that wrong, or is it just natural & an even positive circle of evolution in any relationship? Are we afraid of what we fear or what we desire the most? Reminds me of the Tao when it talks about "success being as dangerous as failure" or when "you go up and down on the ladder, your position is shaky" - It is what it is and that is it. The meanings afterwards are what we place upon them in order to either criticize or justify our behavior.

At the end of the day, it is an unnecessary step --- Live life, enjoy each moment, capture each kiss with a reckless abandon...make each one count. Too soon, too late? I don't know if I can subscribe to either side of thought...it is life and it was meaningful and to me that is the most important aspect of all of this. When did I start analyzing moments like these? Simple...when they mattered.

I gazed to know more today, and I saw the same response in her eyes, that wanton desire...was I still the same man, would this still work, do we both want this? I locked on her gaze a few times, and I felt her eyes piercing me... I clearly felt her spirit, her heart...the same as so many times before...it was still there.

And that was good. :)
Life is good.