Rudderless

As I shutter to the freewill of the seas raging in full force around the hull of my life, I am captivated by the unmerciful silence of my mind. My emotions have been beaten out of my skull, transpired into the boards of my vessel, soaked into the grains of my own demise... I stare listlessly at the chaotic, but welcomed scene of impending disaster as it encircles my soul. Flames etch out an emblazoned, definite aura on the immediate horizon ahead like a harbinger of an eternal abyss just over the edge of my path.... The storms cover my life in cold waters of disbelief, hopelessness and pain...... undulating between glimpse of sunlight which appear as mirages to my sanity... I pause to witness the moon, circling in pendulum motion against the darkened sea skies... I am rudderless.

Bound to cycle from port to port, trading wares for cash.

Her words resonant over the sirens of the sea, "You must now pay for all the things that you have broken".....

 

I reach out my hand for hers. I reach out my hand for my daughter....

I am alone. 

I miss the memories now faded, once discarded back to the emptiness of my heart.

I have nothing left to hold onto. I have nothing left to journey onward...

I am defeated and disenchanted. 

I am rudderless and alone...

 

The shadows fill the scene as the ship eases into the calmness of the respite harbor.

For I know not where I will go next, but I pray in one of these ports, I shall know peace...

And purpose.

And life without storms...

I know I am undeserving in her eyes.

I weep in silence.