Moments Between....

I sit bewildered and dismayed at the course of my life, the unsettling weight of loss and tragedy upon my heart. I reach out my hands into the darkness and feel nothing, the outlines of her body, her soul and her spirit departed in kind from my presence. I long for her sounds to fill the echos and waves around my mind, to sort through the filters of the world to find her resonance, her inflections, her unique and heart-warming voice....

Andrew...

My name will never be spoken in the same tone, the same method, the same perfection...

I allow my head to fall, releasing the weight of moments that have transpired before me in recent days. My hands and heart are saturated, soaked in the uncommon blood of circumstance and the waters of my tears, which have been left flowing from the pools of anguish and departure...

My mind races back to the specificity of my words, my actions, my deeds in every single instance of our last moments... The scenes play out in technicolor reality upon the surface on my soul, the performance playing in infinite loop, wrapping around me with its tangible reels, snapping constantly and consistently against my weakened frame...

I still see her face, her smile, her eyes, her hair, the perfect contours of her body and the refuge of her voice.... I feel her presence before me, within me --- even when the air between us has known no greater silence...


All of these brash, vile and caustic comments cut vividly across my heart, my soul in those moments... like a fresh blade in a drug addict's unsteady hand, the trauma was lucent, was in full display... for I was drenched in the blood of our demise, soaked from the anguish, stained from the riveting violence that I had just unleashed...