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Friday, July 10, 2009

Change



I know that I have preached the ever-present reality of change and its desire to simply fulfill itself, but I now get to face another chapter. My daughter has decided (apparently this evening) to move back home to live with her mom, this was unexpected since I sit here staring at a 1-way ticket with the date of July 27th, 2009. She was supposed to attend school again this year with me and move back for high school in 2010.

I feel like that I have let her down, maybe I was too demanding and had too much structure, or maybe I just worked too much and didn't spend enough time with her this past year. I just want her to be happy and truly successful, so I am OK with the change, as much as I don't really understand it.

It hits hard, bringing up feelings of loss that I didn't know were still there...stemming directly from the last time that I had to deal with my daughter leaving when I got divorced and she moved 900 miles away...leaving me alone and empty.

I feel that same feeling tonight, but I know I want her to be happy. I know change is a normal part of life, part of nature, part of the journey.....but I guess it is not always easy to understand.

I love my children deeply. I hope that I can continue to be the father I want to be.

Good night for now, I cannot speak anymore about this.....

1 comment:

Lindylou said...

Andy,

You are a wonderful father! Sometimes we need to hear "It's not about you!"

I say that with such empathy and love. I also think every decision my children make must be about something I did or didn't do. You know where that comes from, our insecurity that we could ever be the parent we want to be.

I have heard your heart for your children and watched your actions. You love your children and they love you.

This still doesn't take the pain of separation away, but YOU will always be their dad! And they will always be blessed to have you as their dad! I wish I would have had a loving dad like you.

sis