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Friday, February 6, 2009

Weather changes, so does my mood....

The weather changed for the better today. (No, this blog isn't going down the path of talking about the weather, at least on a routine basis!) The warmth felt nice and refreshing. Even as the layer of icy frost covered the cold black trash container at the end of the driveway this morning, I knew that it wouldn't last for long. The walk this morning with Sonoma was brisk and very cold, but change was still in the air.
The temperature at 6:35AM was 34F and by noon, it was already 62F. Amazing.

This afternoon is was 68F, exactly double the temperature of this morning.
Amazingly beautiful day. Went for a jaunt with the collie at Fontainebleau State Park
and walked among the wooden giants, the mighty 300+ year old live oaks in the soothing warm, sunny afternoon. We walked down a few trails and up to the coastline of the lake. Simply a day worth its true value only if spent outside. I took half of the day off from the grind at work and reconnected myself to one last indivisible purity that life still beholds --- nature.

Over the years, I have discovered that nearly every emotion, every event and every outcome can be mirrored in nature. Growth, decay, rebirth, disease, sudden death, new life, blooming, fading, old, new, struggle, folly, strength, fortitude --- everything can be seen in nature --- the one truth, nothing is constant but change.

Always changing, always allowing change to occur. No agendas, no caution, no plans.
Life simply happens and the beauty of it all --- the good and the bad unfold without
incident, without influence...right before our eyes, everyday.

Are we ready for the changes that life has in-store for us? Are we afraid to grow, to change??? Why do we hold fast to our image of today, our own leaves? Why are we afraid to see the simple magic of life?

Not sure ---

Tonight my mood has turned somber...joyless.

I don't feel connected to anything presently --- just getting the work done, getting
everything in order, keeping the projects moving forward...being the good soldier.
Sometimes that is all I have to give this life, sometimes I fear that will be the extent of my existence. Sometimes I just feel proud to be a good father, sometimes I wonder where I am headed and how much time I really have left.

I push onward --- knowing....believing that tomorrow as my daughter turns 13, I will
feel accomplished & proud. I will rejoice in the amazingly powerful influence that she has had upon my life and how much she means to me. She is truly an amazing child, an amazing gift.

Smile...the sun will be rising soon, Mr. Oak.

1 comment:

Lindylou said...

As always Brother you are a beautiful writer. I always feel your words. Thank you for continuing to express yourself and sharing.

Although I feel like a broken record, I can't help but remind you that all life is vain under the sun apart from the acceptance, love and purpose that a personal relationship with Jesus brings....He has the center, the joy, the significance you are knowing is there but can't yet touch it.

What ever you have tried religious before, through it aside...just seek Him, nothing more, nothing less....He doesn't live in a building, a certain denomination, a tradition or ceremony....He lives in your heart if your welcome Him in....

He is the total reason for the joy behind the smile or tear on my face...He never changes. He alone is the only constant, all faithful One.