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Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Looking Back?

I have often wondered that if you spend time thinking about the past, is it time wasted? Is it really that bad for you as long as it doesn't force you to stop moving forward in the present? Why has it always received such a strong negative outpouring of criticism and shun? Is it really akin to "he who must not be named????"

I think about my missteps, my failures and my choices much more than I care to say I think of what some might consider my more positive moments. I think I can still learn more from what I classify as my shortcomings and my failures. Not in the traditional sense of a failing grade or a failure in business, but just not handling someone's feelings with proper amount of care, or perhaps not being entirely present during a relationship, perhaps even being too honest and too concerned with myself and my walk to recognize the affect, my lack of presence had upon others...

I am constantly trying to correct my spiritual walk, my intentions and my thoughts.
I believe that it is entirely true that your thoughts help determine your path in life and at least the way you respond to the events you face. It is not up to me to figure out why some people find it easier to write people off, or banish them completely when they are part of their past. It is just one life we have to walk, collect memories of our moments, choose those we want to share these moments with, (no matter how briefly) and move onward towards our ultimate demise.

I don't fear the past, nor the demons that remind me of the steps I made both upon the road to good intentions and the road of truth. I have witnessed some incredibly moving moments, and I push myself to live life and only fear the monotony of the days that dare to remove every last bit of excitement out of my life. I look forward to new experiences, new moments, but I will never lose sight of the power of the occassional backwards glance...if only for a moment, I recall those who were once there but have gone, but will always remain in my mind and my heart.

If only for a moment, I recall the split-second trigger pulls that catapulted my life into so many new dimensions and new levels of guilt and pain. I recall the moments of horror that taught me how to appreciate the simplicity of being at peace with yourself and be more empathetic to others. I recall those who I thought I must have loved, as much I could understand that elusive spirit during those moments, but the experiences I will carry with me forever. I will cherish all of those who called me a friend and who took the incredible patience and time to truly know me, truly see through the layers, see through the pain and guilt, see the man who saw the world as a child, and knew that no matter was so glorious, it was so perfect. Life is such a treasure.

So, I say the past is no more dangerous than looking down the mountainside from which you just is a perspective, it is a way of knowing how far you have arisen, how much you have endured, and how much time you have spent on this earth...maybe even show you how fun all of this truly can be.

Laugh, Smile and Be yourself....but forget not where you have come from, nor who
you have become.


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