My status

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Full Circle.

As I reached the mailbox containing the numbers 206, I stopped. My world had come full circle, the gears within this perpetual stopwatch had finally come to rest. 170,523 hours had passed since we last stood on the same common ground, and she hadn't departed my heart for even a minute of that duration. I glanced at the bright LED lights on my dashboard and recalled the numbers 10:26. As I gazed to my right out of the window, I saw her standing in the shadows. Disbelieving the immediate reality of the moment, I froze briefly, but I still had to see her face. I leaped from the vehicle and as I rounded the trunk, I paused and felt my heart stop. There stood twenty years of loss in full technicolor reality. Her timeless beauty radiated forth with a polished brilliance unlike I had ever seen in any parts of my previous travels. I was not worthy to stand here, not in the presence of such captivation, before such an angelic soul. I summoned my courage, smiled and embraced her completely. There was not a steel clad machine alive that could have separated me from the warmth of that moment.

For once in nearly twenty years, I felt with absolute lucidity what I had been lacking in this life....what kept me from accepting myself, accepting the journey....accepting that I was indeed capable of being at peace. Losing her was more than letting go of a person, it was relinquishing my soul. Throughout the course of the next several hours, I felt as if I had transcended time itself, the borders of this universe had been seamlessly bonded back to an earlier version of my own existence. Everything was identical and eerily moving, down to the piercing stares from her telling eyes, engaging smile and comforting embrace. The fringes of these moments were outlined with our common dreams. Regret coupled with hopefulness were just a few of the acts played out upon the stage. As the twisted hourglass whisked away these priceless moments into mere seconds, I knew my opportunities here with her in the dark were waning quickly. I held her for as long as possible, reeling from the ever-present knowledge that the cruelty of life would gleefully spin this timeless setting back into the darkened closet from whence it arose. As I stepped away from her embrace for the final time before sunrise, I felt my heart rip from my chest and move with her into the pine tree laden shadows behind me. I stood paralyzed in that moment, seemingly attempting to breathe without her....attempting to grasp the magnitude of the emotions that I had just encountered.

As I held her in my arms, I felt as though I was 19 again and perhaps what I envisioned of my life to this point had only been a dream. Perhaps, our penance is finally completed. Perhaps all of what I endured without her was just an cruel illusion. Perhaps, someone was granting us the ticket back to rewrite all of those barren, lonely chapters.

Perhaps, it is now just up to us to author the remaining books ourselves...
Forever seems like a good starting draft...

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