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Saturday, June 23, 2012

Rain in the well.



This well has been dry for quite some time. As I gazed inwardly I felt my heart move slightly with the notion that my barren soil, just received a drop of rain. This cannot be happening... This land was forsaken, sold to bidders who didn't cherish its existence, its heartbeat long since departed from its tired, arid veins. I cannot shake the moments that have brought me back full circle to the technicolor reality of the past. The most meaningful and moving corners of my entire life archive were now being summoned to the present. Within the walls of its deceit, I felt displaced in time to a place where my life's course changed so drastically...so abruptly, so unwillingly, so permanently? Rekindling these memories, I feel as if an old 8mm reel camera springs to life... its wheels still vibrant and obedient, but what scenes will be left on the tape to play and who will be watching this performance? More importantly, how will it end? Can I handle another failed repeat performance of this act that just kept spinning without end in my soul for the last 20 years?


Living torn, knowing that I cannot change the past, I sit contemplatively trying to understand the moments that define my recent days... If I stay here at this well, will the rains continue or is this just a sick, hallowed oasis in my own mind trying to deceive my last bit of sanity? Hold the tape. Not this memory, not the most cherished set of recollections I have ever known...I know the risk in placing these reels on the projector of my life, but like the proverbial moth, I cannot ignore this flame either. I just cannot look away. Perhaps, I secretly believe in the omnipotent power of love and the beauty & calmness that still resides in this place.


Perhaps, I am just mad...


Perhaps there is one more performance left...


Perhaps we better be careful. This slope is mighty slippery.


Give me your hand...


...................................................................................................................


It is just a walk, it is just me...












1 comment:

Lindylou said...

Nice.

I have found that the One who is Worthy of taking your hand to walk through what you must see is able and faithful of your full trust - but no one else is capable to start the reel without destroy your sanity.

Lessons await to be solidified. Meaning is needing to be given. Segments of time rattling about are needed to be soften by the One Who knows and is wise to separate what matters and qualifies as memories necessary to face and be persevered through. Too many people like to close the door, seal down the edges of the rug, pretend that the present is all that is real.

Sadly, the only way to live fullest in the NOW is to be brave enough to face the well chosen scenes of Past that must be restored and redeemed for full value. Pain does not happen without purpose but the refining work can only be done if one submits/surrenders to Him to take us where we must go.

Talk about scary! Talk about bravery! Talk about embracing the living!

So much awaits - you just need to trust were you already sense you are being called, but not for merely the trip, but to Know the ONE who calls.